Politics: Another late night TV shopping

By Johnny D. Symon

The last time I tricked myself into believing that I was interested in politics was two weeks ago last Thursday night, when I watched "La hora de Federico." Federico Jiménez Losantos, I guess, is the Spanish equivalent of Newt Gingrich, except for one fine distinction, Federico balances his distaste for leftist things with some more than common attacks against leadership in his own camp. Mariano Rajoy recently tasted some of Federico's strong medicine. Most of the show was devoted to the still controversial subject of the March 11, 2004, bombings in Madrid, Spain. Quite personally I've grown tired of this subject, sad to say, for I've no doubt in my mind as to the nature of the involved parties, and badly orchestrated cover ups preventing the real truth coming out, a truth that would put to a decisive end Zapatero's freak show of a regime.

Spain's latest unemployed figures came out this very day, though as of yet they've not appeared on any teletext. During the first quarter of this year the unemployed rose to 17.36%. The EU and other institutions, a while back, reckoned on Spain's unemployed figure exceeding 4 million by the fall, though not to be outdone, Zapatonto achieved it by the end of the first quarter. As failures go, the present Spanish government are world class performers, for 9 out of 10 new unemployed in the EU are Spanish based, that's quite a record.

Nicolas Sarkozy of France began to raise himself back into my prior estimations, when earlier in the week he stated that he believed Zapatonto was not very intelligent. Well I reckon that's an understatement, for who else but a complete idiot would require three vice presidents to help him destroy a country containing just 45 million people? I guess his logic runs on the same rails as the "how many Somalian Pirates do you need to change a lightbulb?" But another reason why Nicolas Sarkozy is back in my favor is because he also, at the same time as revealing Zapatonto's stupid state, praised my main man, Silvio Berlusconi, for being super-intelligent. I happen to like Silvio because of his humor and his strength.

But as understating as old Nic was on Zappo's inferior intellectual condition, I was glad to hear it anyway. You know? I heard from somewhere that Zappo believes that a marinade is a sea shanty, and when he was a kid, a stupid kid, he ran home from school in tears to his mom one day telling her that a boy at school keeps calling him bighead. To this his mom said, "Well next time he does it, give him a good slapping," to which Zappo replied, "Yeah, but what if he runs away first?" ... "Well chase after him," said mom. "Okay, but what if he runs down a narrow alley then?"

Well stupid or stupid, he's also very egotistical, after all, he was the guy who thought up the new Alliance of Civilizations (Rebuild Babel) idea, an organization that according to Wikipedia, has condemned the three main monotheistic religions to be "undesirable." Here it is below:

"Thus, religious groups who assert one specific truth to the exclusion of other religious doctrines are considered undesirable by the AoC. Furthermore, the report identifies the primary global groups in this issue as the three monotheistic faiths."

While I'm grazing the subject of faith, or faiths, I mustn't forget to mention Spain's recent semana santa week. To the uninitiated foreigner the whole event's very strange, but stranger still, if you happen to be a Black African South American, one interviewed on España Directo a year back mentioned that when he first saw the "penitentes" coming toward him with their white robes and pointed hoods, he thought to himself that The Klan were coming to get him! But returning to the main point in hand ...

Maybe it's time for people like Federico to point out that monotheistic faiths and socio-communist faith are becoming indistinct, but in Zappo's case, or Zappo's faith, he condemns the other three for believing themselves to hold the "specific truth," calling them undesirable, when he too practices this method himself. His compulsory "Good Citizenship" training in schools and the removal of opt-out style Religious Education is a case in point.

Another case in point was Zappo's recent condemnation of Offshore Finance, for as Luxembourg and Switzerland appeared on the black list of Offshore Centers, despite having fulfilled all the requirements, Zappo stated that he wished to "errrrrrrrraaadicate" ALL of them, thus again proving himself to be heading a belief system that should belong on his AoC list as yet another "undesirable" belief system, together with that mutha regime, the United Notions. Yet his undesirable belief system does in actual fact stand on solid ground too, because his real reason for trying to eradicate Offshore Centers is to stem the flow, torrent even, of people and businesses that are heading out at the speed of light from Spain to try and save what resources they happen to have left, after 5 years of suffering under the stupidest and most inept government in Spanish history.

Sure, everyone's entitled to their opinion, and that includes offshore banking, Zappo's entitled to their's as well, but when opinions swell up and grow into ideological then political movements, and those movements become religions that strive to control the world and all that is therein, monotheism begins to look a little like Sesame Street, and freedom, together with the right to own and manage wealth, begins to rest on a cliff's edge. Surprisingly I view one particular US President as someone who actually did try to turn the tide on the whole Western political theft process. For this I regard him as a hero. He tried to return financial sovereignty back into the hands of America, and out of the clutches of foreign bankers. For a short spell he began to achieve this through creating a currency bereft of Federal Reserve ownership or interference. Sadly President John F Kennedy's life lasted just about three weeks more before he was assassinated. Some, including myself, called it more than a coincidence, especially since the guy who replaced him, immediately ended the life of that sovereign currency too.

I personally see little difference between spiritual faiths and political faiths, they both, in my opinion, gather their strength and guidance from the spiritual realm, and so much as political leaders would have us believe that their movement is "secular," and their politics dry and world-based, the real truth is always stranger than their fiction. This is the reason why I gave politics a wide berth for three weeks, preferring to dwell on things a little less frustrating and contradictory.

I watched late night TV shopping stuff, something I've never done before, and even there I found some interesting experiences. Things that lead you on into new realms of thought ... deep imaginings even. There were silicon filled mattresses that formed around you so that when you rise your silhouette remains behind, and electric razors modeled to get stuck up your nose and ears, for there's nothing worse than a nasal forest whistling as you breath. I tried to imagine other places where one could use ear and nose razors, and I wasn't lost for ideas. It reminded me of a TV presenter in Spain, named Boris Izaguirre, who a year or so back on a live TV Show, suddenly called out with a kind of "Ooooh!" while staring into the ear of another guy, saying, "Look at all that hair growing out of your ears!!"

I remembered Boris and that episode while watching the ear 'n nose razor show, thinking, maybe Boris should sell this stuff, for apart from looks and glam, his interests kind of tail off. One day I may just drop Boris a line and tell him that I once had quite a few nose and ear hairs of my own, I discovered them one day, and you know what I did? Taking thumb and forefinger, grasping as many as I could in one go, I ripped them out. Strangely enough most of them never returned. I'll ask Boris if he'd care to have me perform that trick on him too ... his brain perhaps?

I saw other ads selling stationary bicycles. Bikes that went nowhere, with wheels that spun and spun. They called them exercise bicycles. One type was promoted by it's creator, his name was Johnny G; The Johnny G exercise bicycle. Because they went nowhere, the peddler (not Johnny G but the user) could watch TV as they went for a spin. Now before I go any further let me first confess that I've never used a stationary bicycle, I only ever used what I call Canadian bicycles, they're things strapped onto Canadians as they travel around Europe and North Africa. I've met so many Canadians with those things yet never have I met a Canadian in Europe driving an automobile, that I swear I half believe that they would be at a loss if I asked 'em who Henry Ford was. Why so many Canadians ride bicycles is to me a mystery, maybe they're forbidden to drive cars, or even to ride public transport. Incidentally, I received an email from Canada just two weeks back, and you know what? The guy was Spanish, though whether or not he rode a bicycle I cannot say.

But as bicycles go, the stationary sort all have one thing missing, and it's the thrill of leaning over on corners to experience the wonders of gravity and centrifugal force. Cornering on a bike is exercise in itself, especially with heavy traffic around, for with it you have to exercise your brain too, whereas the stationary sort requires your brain to take a vacation, there's no fear of encountering a running dog, a bird that's just missed your head, or even a half-full beer can that a tottering good Samaritan throws your way because he thinks you may be thirsty.

No, the truth is stationary bicycles do not interest me, come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I even rode a genuine bicycle, for my love affair with rumbling hogs began in my early teens and grew like ear and nose hair from there.

But this exercise bicycle thing paled into insignificance when last week I watched a TV ad for a Vibration Machine. All you had do was to stand or sit on it then simply wobble. They told me that 10 minutes of vibra-wobbling was the equivalent of an hour's workout in a gym. Again, I readily admit that although I can happily boast of perhaps thousands of hours in a gym over the years, I've never experienced the situation of standing and wobbling on a vibrating machine. They said that it helped circulation, muscle tone, reduced fat, and other things besides. Then I realized that I had in fact experienced this effect on numerous occasions, one of them being crowded subway trains. Small wonder the Japanese are so slim, I thought, I'd attributed that to tapeworm from all the raw fish they ate, how wrong could I have been? Wobbling was the secret.

If wobbling's so healthy, then someone will have to reinvent the wheel. You see, the vibrating machine was for me a revelation. I realized that the human race had gotten it all wrong. If school buses were fixed with square wheels, kids could get exercised to and from school, and the bit in between could be devoted to things otherwise known as the Three R's. If a milk truck had square or oval wheels, then when it arrived at it's destination it'd be a butter delivery. Surely this would be enthusiastically received by ecologists; dual-purpose transport ... milk truck and butter churn all rolled into one.

Yes sirree, our 21stCentury has already proven round wheels to be for suckers, unhealthy ones at that. Though maybe it's also proven that "to spare the rod and spoil the child," to be right all along, for if wobbling's good to exercise the system, then a good smack upside your kids head when they do wrong ought to stimulate and exercise them neurons within their little gray sponge, for as I fine well recall, the first sport that I took up was the sport of brain wobbling mostly at the hands and feet of my ®egistered Handmark"!

Truth is that my three weeks of simple TV shopping watching was revelation in itself, that our so-called world economic crisis was not being taken too seriously by some sections of the sales media. Adverts for personal enemas and yogurt that smooths out intestinal travel, anti-wrinkle creams and shoes that expel bad air. I even saw advertised a kind of pen that painted on an anti-fungal liquid for your toenails, something I'd never heard of before ... "hongos" growing on your toenails, along with several ads concerning cream for athletes foot. Numerous deodorants, and numerous miracle treatments for baldness and hair loss. Then toilet fresheners, one of them advertised by what looked like a cartoon rat.

A paint roller that you filled with paint. I could see that, though dubbed into Spanish, it was in actual fact an English ad, because the people seen rolling the thing were rolling it over woodchip wallpaper. The problem with woodchip wallpaper is that damp comes through the wall into it, as it always does in England, leaving a typical end result in every English home that has it; their house ends up smelling like a French open toilet. In Spain bare walls are the thing, and seldom will you find carpets, this I much prefer because in Spanish homes about the only thing you're going to smell once in a while is paella.

But that's the thing. To take this crisis seriously one would expect TV ads for courses in Economics, Electronics, Gardening, DIY, Offshore Investment. You know the kind of thing; Further Education, stuff to beat a failing system, such as a home course on how to interpret everything behind the following words of John Adams;

"There is danger from all men.
The only maxim of a free government
ought to be to trust no man living
with power to endanger the public liberty."

The optimum term here is "liberty." To exercise our liberty requires the honoring of personal free will, which means that if the will of a free person is to place their wealth in another location of greater benefit, their right should be honored, and to eradicate any form of free choice in that matter is one of the greatest evils political leaders can exact on an unsuspecting and innocent Joe and Josephine public.

President John F Kennedy heroically tried to return financial freedom to an America that in most cases was plainly unaware of it's loss. He tried to do what every other Western leader of the 21st Century is trying to put to a decisive end; The right to own and control private property and personally generated wealth.

The words of John Adams above were written as a forewarning, yet if today he returned from the dead I'm sure he'd regard our present condition as trying to close the stable door after the horse has bolted. And that's how I view our present condition too, for while most of us slept, a stealthy burglar cleaned out our homes then locked us inside using our very own keys, before casting them into the nearest river.

Yet most of us should not take it too personally because the burglar found himself in the position to do this because every four years we quietly hand over our house keys to him. It's our fault really that he's able to do what burglars are destined to do, whether they believe that their work is energized on a spiritual or secular level, because the initial energy, the initial force, was bestowed on them at our very own behest. I guess that's why I preferred to ignore Barry White House Soetoro's love leanings towards Hugo "Jugoso" Chavez and the rest, forming part of the world's excremental leadership, and his handing over of Sovereignty to the EU Commission, because in reality everything that leadership does wrong in our latterday world is really our fault. The blame weighs down firmly and truly on our stupid shoulders. Left, Right, or Center-minded, we're all mindless suckers ... righteously so ... and I'm one to fully admit it of myself.

Western politics is really just another late night TV shopping trip, a space where they try and persuade you to buy things you don't need, with money you don't have, for purposes that in fact do not exist. But you know something? One way or another, their sales figures are always on the rise because in reality we're all anointing ourselves with the Doctor Petered Out Principle.

© Johnny D. Symon