Curtis Dahlgren
Whispered Words of Wisdom, a few more (funny)
By Curtis Dahlgren
"I always had a repulsive sort of need to be something more than human." – David Bowie
"I have a sixth sense, not the other five. If I wasn't making money they'd put me away." – Red Skelton
"No one would have been invited to dinner as often as Jesus was unless He were interesting and had a sense of humor." – Charles Schultz
MAYBE JESUS got "put away" because His day job pay didn't impress anyone ("If I were a carpenter, would you marry me anyway?"). I was a tree surgeon and started writing in my 60s. Now I'm at the age where I go into the bathroom and can't remember why I came in there. It's a wonder I actually still have readers, but it helps to rely partly on other people's quotations. I'm not stealing them; I'm just redistributing them in the attempt to "transform America." The authors of those quotes won't mind; most of them have been "passed on" – like their clothes to Goodwill. They are in a better place (after 2015, a MUCH better place)!
"People are too good for this world." – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
A few words more (for the sake of "diversity"): Woody Allen once said, "Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."
It's funny but wineries and distilleries are seldom bombed (by our side or theirs). Talk about "safe places"! I understand that the Designated "Survivor" of the State of the Union, 81-year-old Orrin Hatch, was sequestered inside the Coors Brewery in Colorado. The Secret Service figured that was the last place anyone would look for a Mormon.
The pessimists are studying Farsi. The optimists are studying German. If the Germans win, our VIPs can take refuge in the breweries; if the Persians win, well, there's no place to hide! I forget what VIP stands for, but as Earl Wilson once said, "He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip code."
"My type of person is the one who builds a fallout shelter with a doorbell." – Dick Gregory
"Truth is the glue that holds governments together. Compromise is the oil that makes governments go." -President Ford
Try telling that to your President now though! Barack Keep-your-doc Oboma hasn't compromised since the day he was born (he decided to go ahead and live, but he was going to remain uncompromisingly pro-choice about it). Oh – by the way – it was once said of President Ford:
"Mr. Chairman, I think the record should show that for the first time since McKinley, we have a Republican president worth shooting, and I think that's a good sign." – Rep. James Johnson (R., CO), on the attempted assassination by Squeaky Fromme
Johnson was mocking the media I think. Can you say, boys and girls, that Republicans always got a bad rap in the Old, dead-tree, Media? They did until (like yesterday) they started bashing conservatives and even Easterners who want to stop the status quo). A prominent Wisconsin talk show host sent me an e-mail and said that it's 'delusional' to think that the Donald could get significant support from minorities. I said Carson could too, but since he hasn't "paid his dues" either, neither of them can join the clique.
I should have reminded the talk host that Trump is a contraction of the word "triumph," not just trumpet. I am not choosing sides as of now, but I have to say that the Donald knows trump (no pun intended) and how to play it (save your best for last).
P.S. I'd like to say 'belated happy birthday' to Rush Limbaugh, the tireless talker, and what follows is an excerpt from my daily prayer book, for January 12th:
"Grant us grace to please Thee in all that we think and plan and do. Help us to share our blessings with others, and to find in our privileges an obligation to minister to those who need what we have. Bestow upon us strength for our daily tasks; courage in the face of fears; comfort in sorrow; quiet in the midst of tumult, and hope in the presence of uncertainty."
PPS: Here's a short, pithy excerpt from another book:
"King over those who are kings, Lord over those who are lords, Governor of those who are governors, Chief of those who are chiefs of state, give to all peoples a sense of the necessity to live in the freedom of Your Gospel. Silence the ignorance of foolish men,* that all may hear Your voice. Amen."
* That may not sound like a very "Christian" thing to pray, but it's a reference to I Peter 2:15-16. "For so is the will of God that by doing well you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men, as FREE, and not using your Freedom as an excuse to do wickedness but as servants of God."
Peter, by the way, was writing to Asia Minor where people, even Israelis, were relatively free – compared to those in the Holy Land under the Romans. To be continued. [Most quotations here came from "The Book of Quotes" by Barbara Rowes (Ballantine, 1979)]
© Curtis Dahlgren
January 15, 2016
"I always had a repulsive sort of need to be something more than human." – David Bowie
"I have a sixth sense, not the other five. If I wasn't making money they'd put me away." – Red Skelton
"No one would have been invited to dinner as often as Jesus was unless He were interesting and had a sense of humor." – Charles Schultz
MAYBE JESUS got "put away" because His day job pay didn't impress anyone ("If I were a carpenter, would you marry me anyway?"). I was a tree surgeon and started writing in my 60s. Now I'm at the age where I go into the bathroom and can't remember why I came in there. It's a wonder I actually still have readers, but it helps to rely partly on other people's quotations. I'm not stealing them; I'm just redistributing them in the attempt to "transform America." The authors of those quotes won't mind; most of them have been "passed on" – like their clothes to Goodwill. They are in a better place (after 2015, a MUCH better place)!
"People are too good for this world." – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
A few words more (for the sake of "diversity"): Woody Allen once said, "Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."
It's funny but wineries and distilleries are seldom bombed (by our side or theirs). Talk about "safe places"! I understand that the Designated "Survivor" of the State of the Union, 81-year-old Orrin Hatch, was sequestered inside the Coors Brewery in Colorado. The Secret Service figured that was the last place anyone would look for a Mormon.
The pessimists are studying Farsi. The optimists are studying German. If the Germans win, our VIPs can take refuge in the breweries; if the Persians win, well, there's no place to hide! I forget what VIP stands for, but as Earl Wilson once said, "He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip code."
"My type of person is the one who builds a fallout shelter with a doorbell." – Dick Gregory
"Truth is the glue that holds governments together. Compromise is the oil that makes governments go." -President Ford
Try telling that to your President now though! Barack Keep-your-doc Oboma hasn't compromised since the day he was born (he decided to go ahead and live, but he was going to remain uncompromisingly pro-choice about it). Oh – by the way – it was once said of President Ford:
"Mr. Chairman, I think the record should show that for the first time since McKinley, we have a Republican president worth shooting, and I think that's a good sign." – Rep. James Johnson (R., CO), on the attempted assassination by Squeaky Fromme
Johnson was mocking the media I think. Can you say, boys and girls, that Republicans always got a bad rap in the Old, dead-tree, Media? They did until (like yesterday) they started bashing conservatives and even Easterners who want to stop the status quo). A prominent Wisconsin talk show host sent me an e-mail and said that it's 'delusional' to think that the Donald could get significant support from minorities. I said Carson could too, but since he hasn't "paid his dues" either, neither of them can join the clique.
I should have reminded the talk host that Trump is a contraction of the word "triumph," not just trumpet. I am not choosing sides as of now, but I have to say that the Donald knows trump (no pun intended) and how to play it (save your best for last).
P.S. I'd like to say 'belated happy birthday' to Rush Limbaugh, the tireless talker, and what follows is an excerpt from my daily prayer book, for January 12th:
"Grant us grace to please Thee in all that we think and plan and do. Help us to share our blessings with others, and to find in our privileges an obligation to minister to those who need what we have. Bestow upon us strength for our daily tasks; courage in the face of fears; comfort in sorrow; quiet in the midst of tumult, and hope in the presence of uncertainty."
PPS: Here's a short, pithy excerpt from another book:
"King over those who are kings, Lord over those who are lords, Governor of those who are governors, Chief of those who are chiefs of state, give to all peoples a sense of the necessity to live in the freedom of Your Gospel. Silence the ignorance of foolish men,* that all may hear Your voice. Amen."
* That may not sound like a very "Christian" thing to pray, but it's a reference to I Peter 2:15-16. "For so is the will of God that by doing well you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men, as FREE, and not using your Freedom as an excuse to do wickedness but as servants of God."
Peter, by the way, was writing to Asia Minor where people, even Israelis, were relatively free – compared to those in the Holy Land under the Romans. To be continued. [Most quotations here came from "The Book of Quotes" by Barbara Rowes (Ballantine, 1979)]
© Curtis Dahlgren
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