A.J. DiCintio
A universal leftist gene?
By A.J. DiCintio
Leftists, whose number includes American liberals, are notorious for boasting they base their every act upon sweet reason.
But more and more, I'm given to thinking DNA in the form of a universal leftist gene exerts considerable influence on leftists because from wherever they hail on this planet, their beliefs and behaviors are amazingly unaffected by cultural, ethnic, national, or geographical factors and are, therefore, absolutely indistinguishable, one from another.
To prove my hypothesis has a near-100% probability of being found true, I quote from Obama's Lost Magic, challenging you to identify the author or even just his homeland.
I'll begin with the observation that the author opens the essay by lamenting the loss of the kind of magic candidate Obama possessed when he abracadabraed into existence the line, "We are the ones we've been waiting for."
I'll also tell you he praises that embarrassingly silly slogan, which echoes the stupidest kind of feel good philosophy, by gushing over it as "a rallying cry so powerful and romantic it sounded like a line from a good song."
What's this? You say that even if Russia's Putin, China's Jintao, Cuba's Castro, and Venezuela's Chavez had swayed hypnotically among the spaced-out acolytes who comprised Obama's campaign audiences, the stunningly stupid "line from a good song" comparison would allow you to rule them out as the author?
"But little good that would do," you cry; for you immediately grasp the reality that in the U.S. alone there are millions of potential liberal authors who continue to react to The Man From Hope and Change with googly eyes and lost-in-space smiles formed on mouths dreamily humming "um-um-um."
With no guess forthcoming, I'll now let you know that the author gushes a gusher ten thousand time larger than the biggest one ever seen by a Texas old-timer over accomplishments he bemoans are unappreciated by an ignorant public that wouldn't recognize magnificent achievements if they smacked them in the nose "like a line from a good song."
[Obama] has tackled the global economic crisis with an $800 billion stimulus package and a reform of the financial markets.
Millions of Americans have been dreaming of healthcare reform for decades. Bill Clinton failed to get it passed. Barack Obama succeeded.
"Eureka," you exclaim, "only Robert Gibbs, Harry Reid, Rahm Emanuel, or the entire membership of the Chicago Political Machine and NYT Editorial Board could lie that Obama has successfully tackled the entire global economic crisis by spending 800 billion borrowed dollars on a mammoth-sized piece of rotten congressional pork that has provided only temporary jobs to a handful of the massive number of America's unemployed and underemployed!"
"And only one of the same gang," you shout, "could believe that Obama has fulfilled the dream of honest healthcare reform by allowing congressional Democrats to exclusively write a 2,000 page abomination that borrows 2 to 3 trillion dollars to centralize healthcare while instituting none of the fiscal (including tort reform) and standard-of-care reforms the system desperately needs if it is to be prevented from bankrupting the nation!"
However, just as you are ready to make your choice, your euphoria dims so much you could be mistaken for a 2010 Democratic candidate; for you realize there are millions who could have spewed the lies and fawning drivel quoted above — millions of profligate (with other people's money), centralized power loving, madly dogmatic, self-destructive leftists who populate the globe in a circle that extends from dangerously swaying, debt-sodden Ireland, Portugal, Spain, Italy, and Greece to California, Illinois, New Jersey, and New York.
Therefore, still no guess.
Here, then, is information that gives you one final chance at a correct answer.
Reeking of leftist arrogance, the author concludes the essay by railing against the "gun freaks," "Tea Party demagogues," and "white hate mongers" who constitute the opposition to his formerly magical but still beloved president, denouncing them as "psychopaths driven by paranoia, fear [of] change, hysteria, [and] schizophrenic attitudes."
With news of that filth swirling about your minds, I hear screams of "He could be any leftist in the world!" immediately followed by shouts of "I give up!"
But then this assertion that seeks to save something of the day rings through the air.
"But for sure the author's an American!"
Followed by these explanatory exclamations:
"Gun freaks!"
"He could be Obama himself!"
"White hate mongers!"
"Jimmy Carter or Frank Rich or any other liberal from Pukalani, Hawaii, to Portland, Maine, who suffers from a compulsion that demands he hector the nation about the evils of the white race once an hour on the hour!"
"Or every liberal blowhard on MSNBC, whether his neurotic guilt ridden, self-loathing hatefulness is occasioned by a special comment or a thrill legged spasm!"
"Or Allan J. Lichtman, author of the philosophical, political, and sociological joke titled White Protestant Nation: The Rise of the American Conservative Movement!"
"Or Susan Sontag, who, reincarnated as a genuine Y-chromosome-carrying human male, again composes one of the greatest intellectual and moral atrocities in literary history: The white race is the cancer of human history. . ."!
Then, an exhausted silence , making it clear you cannot settle on one name.
Well, readers, your guesses certainly reveal an admirable perceptiveness.
Sadly, however, I must tell you they are incorrect; for the author in question is German resident Klaus Brinkbäumer, writing in Spiegel Online.
That information given, I'll forgo any I told you so's about the indistinguishability of leftist minds to end by saying one more time that DNA must have something to do with leftist beliefs and behaviors.
Come to think of it, it's a good thing for leftists if it turns out to be true.
Think of it this way:
If you were a liberal, would you want people to hold you fully responsible for every disgustingly irrational act you commit; or would you rather folks surreptitiously point at you and then whisper to family or friends, "Poor bastard, his genes made him do it"?
© A.J. DiCintio
October 24, 2010
Leftists, whose number includes American liberals, are notorious for boasting they base their every act upon sweet reason.
But more and more, I'm given to thinking DNA in the form of a universal leftist gene exerts considerable influence on leftists because from wherever they hail on this planet, their beliefs and behaviors are amazingly unaffected by cultural, ethnic, national, or geographical factors and are, therefore, absolutely indistinguishable, one from another.
To prove my hypothesis has a near-100% probability of being found true, I quote from Obama's Lost Magic, challenging you to identify the author or even just his homeland.
I'll begin with the observation that the author opens the essay by lamenting the loss of the kind of magic candidate Obama possessed when he abracadabraed into existence the line, "We are the ones we've been waiting for."
I'll also tell you he praises that embarrassingly silly slogan, which echoes the stupidest kind of feel good philosophy, by gushing over it as "a rallying cry so powerful and romantic it sounded like a line from a good song."
What's this? You say that even if Russia's Putin, China's Jintao, Cuba's Castro, and Venezuela's Chavez had swayed hypnotically among the spaced-out acolytes who comprised Obama's campaign audiences, the stunningly stupid "line from a good song" comparison would allow you to rule them out as the author?
"But little good that would do," you cry; for you immediately grasp the reality that in the U.S. alone there are millions of potential liberal authors who continue to react to The Man From Hope and Change with googly eyes and lost-in-space smiles formed on mouths dreamily humming "um-um-um."
With no guess forthcoming, I'll now let you know that the author gushes a gusher ten thousand time larger than the biggest one ever seen by a Texas old-timer over accomplishments he bemoans are unappreciated by an ignorant public that wouldn't recognize magnificent achievements if they smacked them in the nose "like a line from a good song."
[Obama] has tackled the global economic crisis with an $800 billion stimulus package and a reform of the financial markets.
Millions of Americans have been dreaming of healthcare reform for decades. Bill Clinton failed to get it passed. Barack Obama succeeded.
"Eureka," you exclaim, "only Robert Gibbs, Harry Reid, Rahm Emanuel, or the entire membership of the Chicago Political Machine and NYT Editorial Board could lie that Obama has successfully tackled the entire global economic crisis by spending 800 billion borrowed dollars on a mammoth-sized piece of rotten congressional pork that has provided only temporary jobs to a handful of the massive number of America's unemployed and underemployed!"
"And only one of the same gang," you shout, "could believe that Obama has fulfilled the dream of honest healthcare reform by allowing congressional Democrats to exclusively write a 2,000 page abomination that borrows 2 to 3 trillion dollars to centralize healthcare while instituting none of the fiscal (including tort reform) and standard-of-care reforms the system desperately needs if it is to be prevented from bankrupting the nation!"
However, just as you are ready to make your choice, your euphoria dims so much you could be mistaken for a 2010 Democratic candidate; for you realize there are millions who could have spewed the lies and fawning drivel quoted above — millions of profligate (with other people's money), centralized power loving, madly dogmatic, self-destructive leftists who populate the globe in a circle that extends from dangerously swaying, debt-sodden Ireland, Portugal, Spain, Italy, and Greece to California, Illinois, New Jersey, and New York.
Therefore, still no guess.
Here, then, is information that gives you one final chance at a correct answer.
Reeking of leftist arrogance, the author concludes the essay by railing against the "gun freaks," "Tea Party demagogues," and "white hate mongers" who constitute the opposition to his formerly magical but still beloved president, denouncing them as "psychopaths driven by paranoia, fear [of] change, hysteria, [and] schizophrenic attitudes."
With news of that filth swirling about your minds, I hear screams of "He could be any leftist in the world!" immediately followed by shouts of "I give up!"
But then this assertion that seeks to save something of the day rings through the air.
"But for sure the author's an American!"
Followed by these explanatory exclamations:
"Gun freaks!"
"He could be Obama himself!"
"White hate mongers!"
"Jimmy Carter or Frank Rich or any other liberal from Pukalani, Hawaii, to Portland, Maine, who suffers from a compulsion that demands he hector the nation about the evils of the white race once an hour on the hour!"
"Or every liberal blowhard on MSNBC, whether his neurotic guilt ridden, self-loathing hatefulness is occasioned by a special comment or a thrill legged spasm!"
"Or Allan J. Lichtman, author of the philosophical, political, and sociological joke titled White Protestant Nation: The Rise of the American Conservative Movement!"
"Or Susan Sontag, who, reincarnated as a genuine Y-chromosome-carrying human male, again composes one of the greatest intellectual and moral atrocities in literary history: The white race is the cancer of human history. . ."!
Then, an exhausted silence , making it clear you cannot settle on one name.
Well, readers, your guesses certainly reveal an admirable perceptiveness.
Sadly, however, I must tell you they are incorrect; for the author in question is German resident Klaus Brinkbäumer, writing in Spiegel Online.
That information given, I'll forgo any I told you so's about the indistinguishability of leftist minds to end by saying one more time that DNA must have something to do with leftist beliefs and behaviors.
Come to think of it, it's a good thing for leftists if it turns out to be true.
Think of it this way:
If you were a liberal, would you want people to hold you fully responsible for every disgustingly irrational act you commit; or would you rather folks surreptitiously point at you and then whisper to family or friends, "Poor bastard, his genes made him do it"?
© A.J. DiCintio
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