Curtis Dahlgren
Presidential HARRASSMENT: Can you say another boomerang, boys & girls?
By Curtis Dahlgren
[This is an adaptation of my 6/29/12 column.]
THIS MORNING I WAS WALKING ALONG THE SHORE, looking at the footprints in the sand. And I said "WHY Lord?"
And the Lord says, "Why whut?" And I said:
"I know You know the question, but y'know, why did You give us Barack Oboma?" And He says:
"Oboma? Think about it, My son." And I said:
"Think about whut, my Lord?" And He says:
"Think about America and its spiritual drowsiness. The people are half asleep!" And I said:
"What does that have to do with the White House?" And He says:
"I had to let him win. It was obviously the only way I could scare the Hell out of people." And I said:
"That would be a good thing, right?" And He says:
"EXACTLY. Any other questions?" And I say:
"But what about these footprints?" And He says:
"Those? Oh, those belong to Bigfoot." And I say:
"Those would be some big shoes to fill."
We walked along the shore for awhile, and then I said, "That reminds me of another question. What really happened yesterday at the Supreme Court? I mean – other than scaring the Hell out of us again – what was John Roberts thinking on Obomacare?"
"WELL," says the Lord. "The night before, Justice Roberts was sitting by himself in an obscure bar in the area of Georgetown, when in walks Karl Rove, thirsty after a long flight from Texas on Ozark Airlines. 'Is this seat taken?' says the Architect. And Roberts snapped:
"'Well DUH; there isn't a soul in here. Have a seat."
"'Thanks,' says Rove. 'Not to be nosy, but how are you voting tomorrow?"
"'I haven't made up my mind yet. And the liberal women on the Court are driving me insane."
"'I understand,' says Rove. 'But maybe I can help you think this through. Do you want more liberal women on the Court?'
"'Are you kidding me?'
"'Well then, there's your answer,' says Rove.
"'What answer?'
"'Think about it! If Oboma wins a second term, he's going to pack the Court with Liberal women," says Rove.
"'I never even thought about that one, but so what?'
"Rove looked around to make sure no one was listening, and then he leans over and says to Roberts:
"'You can make sure that doesn't happen. By helping him lose.'
"How can I, a mere Supreme Court Justice, do that?'
"'Well, "I can't actually tell you how to vote, but think about it: What got the Tea Party so excited in 2010?"
"'Obomacare."
"'BINGO,' says Rove as he left to go to the bathroom.
"A flourescent mercury-filled light bulb exploded in Roberts' head, and he quickly tossed down his drink and ordered a round for the House. At closing time, Roberts staggered home from the bar and called his chief law clerk.
"'I just made up my mind. I'm voting to uphold Affordable (haha) Healthcare. You write the majority opinion! And I don't care how you do it.'
"'Whatever works for you, Boss,' said the clerk.
"And that's the way it was," said my Lord.
"I understand now," I said.
"And other questions?"
"Yes, I have a recurring dream I'm on the beach; my whole life passes before me. Most of the time there are two sets of footprints, but why is it that at the worst times in my life there is always only one set of footprints there?"
"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT," said the Lord, with a laugh.
"But another thing: what about that long groove in the sand?" And He says:
"Oh that. That was when I was dragging you kicking and screaming." He laughed.
P.S. Back to 2019: I was walking along the right bank of the Menominee River the other day and there was the Lord again. He says, "I suppose you have some more questions?"
"Yes. The real question is why do you allow so much harrassment of our President?" And He says:
"Think about it. It's the only way I can help him win about 45 states in 2020. Can you say 'boomerang,' boy?" And I said:
"I can see CLEARLY NOW."
He got the pun, and said, "Any other questions?"
"Just one," I said. "Why are the Nations united and they plot a vain thing? Why do the kings and the rulers of the earth take counsel together against Your anointed one?" And He says:
"Yes, WHY?", He said with a sigh. But think about it. It's the only way I can get all people to agree on one thing: Politics is sickening, and we need something new, a new Kingdom over all the kingdoms. I'm working on that. Any other questions?" And I said:
"NO SIR!"
PPS: I just quoted a quotation that's already famous around the world. A probable psalm of David, which includes:
"He Who sits in the heavens shall laugh and have them in derision."
© Curtis Dahlgren
September 25, 2019
[This is an adaptation of my 6/29/12 column.]
THIS MORNING I WAS WALKING ALONG THE SHORE, looking at the footprints in the sand. And I said "WHY Lord?"
And the Lord says, "Why whut?" And I said:
"I know You know the question, but y'know, why did You give us Barack Oboma?" And He says:
"Oboma? Think about it, My son." And I said:
"Think about whut, my Lord?" And He says:
"Think about America and its spiritual drowsiness. The people are half asleep!" And I said:
"What does that have to do with the White House?" And He says:
"I had to let him win. It was obviously the only way I could scare the Hell out of people." And I said:
"That would be a good thing, right?" And He says:
"EXACTLY. Any other questions?" And I say:
"But what about these footprints?" And He says:
"Those? Oh, those belong to Bigfoot." And I say:
"Those would be some big shoes to fill."
We walked along the shore for awhile, and then I said, "That reminds me of another question. What really happened yesterday at the Supreme Court? I mean – other than scaring the Hell out of us again – what was John Roberts thinking on Obomacare?"
"WELL," says the Lord. "The night before, Justice Roberts was sitting by himself in an obscure bar in the area of Georgetown, when in walks Karl Rove, thirsty after a long flight from Texas on Ozark Airlines. 'Is this seat taken?' says the Architect. And Roberts snapped:
"'Well DUH; there isn't a soul in here. Have a seat."
"'Thanks,' says Rove. 'Not to be nosy, but how are you voting tomorrow?"
"'I haven't made up my mind yet. And the liberal women on the Court are driving me insane."
"'I understand,' says Rove. 'But maybe I can help you think this through. Do you want more liberal women on the Court?'
"'Are you kidding me?'
"'Well then, there's your answer,' says Rove.
"'What answer?'
"'Think about it! If Oboma wins a second term, he's going to pack the Court with Liberal women," says Rove.
"'I never even thought about that one, but so what?'
"Rove looked around to make sure no one was listening, and then he leans over and says to Roberts:
"'You can make sure that doesn't happen. By helping him lose.'
"How can I, a mere Supreme Court Justice, do that?'
"'Well, "I can't actually tell you how to vote, but think about it: What got the Tea Party so excited in 2010?"
"'Obomacare."
"'BINGO,' says Rove as he left to go to the bathroom.
"A flourescent mercury-filled light bulb exploded in Roberts' head, and he quickly tossed down his drink and ordered a round for the House. At closing time, Roberts staggered home from the bar and called his chief law clerk.
"'I just made up my mind. I'm voting to uphold Affordable (haha) Healthcare. You write the majority opinion! And I don't care how you do it.'
"'Whatever works for you, Boss,' said the clerk.
"And that's the way it was," said my Lord.
"I understand now," I said.
"And other questions?"
"Yes, I have a recurring dream I'm on the beach; my whole life passes before me. Most of the time there are two sets of footprints, but why is it that at the worst times in my life there is always only one set of footprints there?"
"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT," said the Lord, with a laugh.
"But another thing: what about that long groove in the sand?" And He says:
"Oh that. That was when I was dragging you kicking and screaming." He laughed.
P.S. Back to 2019: I was walking along the right bank of the Menominee River the other day and there was the Lord again. He says, "I suppose you have some more questions?"
"Yes. The real question is why do you allow so much harrassment of our President?" And He says:
"Think about it. It's the only way I can help him win about 45 states in 2020. Can you say 'boomerang,' boy?" And I said:
"I can see CLEARLY NOW."
He got the pun, and said, "Any other questions?"
"Just one," I said. "Why are the Nations united and they plot a vain thing? Why do the kings and the rulers of the earth take counsel together against Your anointed one?" And He says:
"Yes, WHY?", He said with a sigh. But think about it. It's the only way I can get all people to agree on one thing: Politics is sickening, and we need something new, a new Kingdom over all the kingdoms. I'm working on that. Any other questions?" And I said:
"NO SIR!"
PPS: I just quoted a quotation that's already famous around the world. A probable psalm of David, which includes:
"He Who sits in the heavens shall laugh and have them in derision."
© Curtis Dahlgren
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