Curtis Dahlgren
FOUR DIPLOMATS GO INTO A BAR (pls pass it on)
By Curtis Dahlgren
SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE EAST, not long ago, four diplomats go into a bar. They sit down at a table and a waitress says, "Would you like menus?" and they say yes. "Would you like something to drink?" she says.
The Muslim said 'just water.' The American said 'milk'; the Hebrew said 'wine'; and the atheist ordered a mixed drink.
As she left them to look over the menus, in came a young man who just escaped from an insane asylum. He sat down at a table nearby and listened to the dips talk. The Muslim put down his menu and said, "Well, have you made up your minds?"
"Hold your horses," said the Hebrew. "What's your hurry?"
The atheist said, "I'm getting heartburn; I think I'll just have another drink."
The American said, "You know what I want? I really want us to bless the food before we eat. After all, it is Thanksgiving."
"No way," said the Muslim. "I'm facing the wrong direction."
"No way," said the Hebrew. "I'm facing the wrong direction too."
"No way," said the atheist. "You're all crazy!"
"I will overlook that demeaning remark," muttered the boy from the asylum to himself.
The waitress came back, took their orders, and left with the menus, overlooking the boy in her haste.
The American cleared his throat again and says, "Come on. How about it?"
One of the others said, "If you're going to bring up religion again, I'm leaving."
The boy from the asylum stood up and says, "Hey, just a minute here. I can help you solve your problem."
"All right," said the atheist. "If you think you're so smart, go ahead." So the boy says:
"First you face the prevailing westerly wind and thank your God. Then you face the south pole and thank their God.
"Then you face the east wind and thank their God. Then you face the North Star and thank God — and if you're an atheist you can thank yourself for the food.
"Then — you get down off your high horse and put four on the floor — your two hands and your two knees, like this.
"Then you cross your ankles, put your hands on your head, and your forehead on the floor, with your elbows on your knees.
"Then you just squeeze. Make yourself small by looking like a ball.
"And now you're ready to pray for peace. Who wants to go first?"
The boy smiled, got up off the floor, and looked around. The door was just closing and the four dips were gone. "Another miracle," he says. "Now I can eat in peace at last."
The waitress brought the four orders and put them on the table. The boy says, "They just went to the bathroom, I think."
As soon as the waitress was gone, he says "Praise the Lord; the Lord provides." He drank the drinks, ate all the food he could, and picked up one of the bills the dips had left on the table and sat down at his table.
A waiter came by and said, "Oh, did you want to see a menu?" And the boy says:
"No thanks. I'm not hungry anymore."
As he went out the door, he says out loud, "This was the best Thanksgiving ever. Thanks a LOT, pilgrims!"
© Curtis Dahlgren
November 28, 2012
SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE EAST, not long ago, four diplomats go into a bar. They sit down at a table and a waitress says, "Would you like menus?" and they say yes. "Would you like something to drink?" she says.
The Muslim said 'just water.' The American said 'milk'; the Hebrew said 'wine'; and the atheist ordered a mixed drink.
As she left them to look over the menus, in came a young man who just escaped from an insane asylum. He sat down at a table nearby and listened to the dips talk. The Muslim put down his menu and said, "Well, have you made up your minds?"
"Hold your horses," said the Hebrew. "What's your hurry?"
The atheist said, "I'm getting heartburn; I think I'll just have another drink."
The American said, "You know what I want? I really want us to bless the food before we eat. After all, it is Thanksgiving."
"No way," said the Muslim. "I'm facing the wrong direction."
"No way," said the Hebrew. "I'm facing the wrong direction too."
"No way," said the atheist. "You're all crazy!"
"I will overlook that demeaning remark," muttered the boy from the asylum to himself.
The waitress came back, took their orders, and left with the menus, overlooking the boy in her haste.
The American cleared his throat again and says, "Come on. How about it?"
One of the others said, "If you're going to bring up religion again, I'm leaving."
The boy from the asylum stood up and says, "Hey, just a minute here. I can help you solve your problem."
"All right," said the atheist. "If you think you're so smart, go ahead." So the boy says:
"First you face the prevailing westerly wind and thank your God. Then you face the south pole and thank their God.
"Then you face the east wind and thank their God. Then you face the North Star and thank God — and if you're an atheist you can thank yourself for the food.
"Then — you get down off your high horse and put four on the floor — your two hands and your two knees, like this.
"Then you cross your ankles, put your hands on your head, and your forehead on the floor, with your elbows on your knees.
"Then you just squeeze. Make yourself small by looking like a ball.
"And now you're ready to pray for peace. Who wants to go first?"
The boy smiled, got up off the floor, and looked around. The door was just closing and the four dips were gone. "Another miracle," he says. "Now I can eat in peace at last."
The waitress brought the four orders and put them on the table. The boy says, "They just went to the bathroom, I think."
As soon as the waitress was gone, he says "Praise the Lord; the Lord provides." He drank the drinks, ate all the food he could, and picked up one of the bills the dips had left on the table and sat down at his table.
A waiter came by and said, "Oh, did you want to see a menu?" And the boy says:
"No thanks. I'm not hungry anymore."
As he went out the door, he says out loud, "This was the best Thanksgiving ever. Thanks a LOT, pilgrims!"
© Curtis Dahlgren
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