David Hines
Fool speed ahead
By David Hines
October 3, 2013

It will surprise nobody that I think funny. When someone says, "Go ahead and...," I invariably think, "Ahead of what?" Such a wise-gluteus attitude might get me in trouble were I ever to star in an episode of Cops.

So what am I to make of the frequent admonition to "move forward"? Is there an option to move backward in time? The directional mandate is invariably posited as an unalloyed good. It would seem that the reverse gear on an automobile is a useless accoutrement, employed only by atavistic misanthropes.

"Move forward" always struck me as a sales phrase, sorta like BOGO. "Buy one get one" never sounded to me like any kind of deal. It's better, I guess, than "buy one get none," which aptly describes the general thrust of taxation. You do the buying, politicians and their cronies do the getting.

When driving I tend to look ahead. Though I seem to be in the minority, I think it wasteful to lay on the gas when approaching a red light or a mess of traffic. Many drivers sporting environmentalist bumper stickers seem to differ, so maybe I'm wrong. But I do seem to be rewarded at the gas pump.

All sorts of conditions might contraindicate moving forward. A brick wall. An immobile bumper. A cliff, fiscal or otherwise. A gang of ruffians intent upon robbery and/or violent sport, seeking a victim determined to move forward oblivious of danger.

I'm afraid the appeal of going ahead and moving forward is lost on me. Some solid rationale for the locomotion would seem to be advisable prior to expending the energy and resources. But many find it convincing. As I said, I think funny.

Sure, some like the joy ride – movement for its own sake. Hence the roller coaster. It's the appeal of drag racing, which is not considered safe nor, in most places, legal. You may thrill at moving forward to hopefully go ahead, expending exorbitant amounts of fuel and leaving parts of your tires on the pavement as horizontal graffiti stating, "I was here." If that's your cup of (instant) coffee, have at it – but not on my lawn nor on my nickel.

Filler syllables abound, denoting an absence of substance. Many a politician urges me to go ahead and move forward so that at sunset ("the end of the day") we can, eyemean yuno, all step forward and stand together. They tell me nothing – except that they have little or nothing to tell me. They think funny.

© David Hines


The views expressed by RenewAmerica columnists are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of RenewAmerica or its affiliates.
(See RenewAmerica's publishing standards.)

Click to enlarge

David Hines

Note: David Hines passed away on April 1, 2017.

Born in a mill town, David Hines has seen work as a furniture mover, computer programmer/analyst, and professional musician... (more)


Receive future articles by David Hines: Click here

More by this author


Stephen Stone
HAPPY EASTER: A message to all who love our country and want to help save it

Stephen Stone
The most egregious lies Evan McMullin and the media have told about Sen. Mike Lee

Siena Hoefling
Protect the Children: Update with VIDEO

Stephen Stone
FLASHBACK to 2020: Dems' fake claim that Trump and Utah congressional hopeful Burgess Owens want 'renewed nuclear testing' blows up when examined

Randy Engel
A documentary: Opus Dei and the Knights of Columbus – The anatomy of a takeover bid, Part VI

Jerry Newcombe
Electoral College dropout?

Curtis Dahlgren
The "Hand of History" writes its own reply to arrogance

Pete Riehm
Our fallen fought not just for freedom but truth

Linda Kimball
Christendom and Protestant America’s apostasy into paganism: A timeline

Jim Wagner
Why the Left loves Allah

Randy Engel
A Documentary: Opus Dei and the Knights of Columbus – The anatomy of a takeover bid, Part V

Peter Lemiska
For Democrats, justice is a one-way street

Rev. Mark H. Creech
Billy Graham’s statue in the Capitol: What does it mean for the country?

Linda Goudsmit
CHAPTER 19: From sex education to sexuality education

Cliff Kincaid
Press Conference on America's 'Reefer Madness'

Jerry Newcombe
Throwing Israel under the bus
  More columns


Click for full cartoon
More cartoons


Matt C. Abbott
Chris Adamo
Russ J. Alan
Bonnie Alba
Chuck Baldwin
Kevin J. Banet
J. Matt Barber
Fr. Tom Bartolomeo
. . .
[See more]

Sister sites