The day the Muslims repented
Kevin O'Neil
The following is purely fictitious, but if it ever happened it would change the entire world.
An Official Declaration from The Islamic World Council.
In the name of the entire Islamic People, we herein make humble confession of our age-old errors and repent wholeheartedly of them.
1. We have pursued a wicked policy of forced conversion throughout the world. Whereas the people of the world have every right to believe whatsoever they choose to believe, we once and for all acknowledge that individual choice is God-given and sacrosanct. We shall never again attempt to inflict on the world a religion and political system which has neither helped us, nor is it likely to help anyone else. It was no coincidence that Islam only began growing after Mohammed resorted to violence. We repent of this and of the 270 million deaths that we have caused throughout history and plead for the world's forgiveness.
2. We are sorry for taking advantage of all the countries in which we have been welcomed, by secretly plotting and working to overthrow those countries from within. We were unworthy of your kindness. Why, O why, were you so gullible as to tempt us to do such things? We told you that "Mosques are our barracks, minarets our bayonets, domes our helmets, the believers our soldiers." But your leaders all claimed to know Islam better than the Muslims themselves and they comforted you with "Islam is a peaceful religion." Nevertheless, we need your forgiveness.
3. Sorry for our willful blindness. Islam has obviously been the source of untold misery in the world but we could never admit it. Instead, we clothed our jealousy of Jews and Christians in the guise of devotion to the Koran, and the blood flowed in rivers. We will henceforth seek to honestly face the truth about our religion and welcome criticism.
4. Regarding the Koran, we have arrived at the inevitable conclusion that our so-called "holy book" is a mere concoction of material stolen from the Jewish Tanach and the Christian New Testament. We have added to and subtracted from those sublime books, please forgive us. And forgive us of the claim that all the prophets, including Jesus, were Muslims. This was patently absurd from the beginning and we never really believed it ourselves. We are hoping that every Muslim will agree to forfeit his copy of the Koran in exchange for the true Word of God.
5. We declare herein that it is not true that Allah is just our name for God. Rather, it is the name for the moon god worshiped by our ancestors. The character of the being does not bear the remotest similarity to the true God of the Bible. What the one hates the Other loves and vice versa. Can you forgive us of such a heinous offense? Can the true God forgive us for such blasphemy?
6. The matter of the Jews and Israel weighs particularly heavily upon us. From time immemorial we have oppressed you, pursued you, persecuted you. We have told lies about you, we have killed your men, raped your women, and taken your children as slaves. And, as if this wasn't bad enough, we have pretended that we were simply being devout believers in Allah, that what we were doing was praiseworthy. In fact, we were murderers, lustful and wicked, inspired only by evil. It is difficult for us to even have the temerity to ask your forgiveness for this. Instead, we cast ourselves on your mercy and on the mercies of the God of Israel.
7. How can we live with the knowledge that we have sought to steal from the Jews the very land which even our own so-called holy book teaches is the land which God gave to the Jews? Sura 5. Had we truly believed the Koran, we would never have attempted such an act of theft. Alas, our hypocrisy is our shame. Our audacity was encouraged by the Nations themselves who never sought to check our rapacity but rather strengthened it, so that we grew bolder and bolder. Please forgive both our thievery and our hypocrisy. We promise to vacate all the lands promised to your forefathers and return only upon generous invitation.
8. We have lied about Jerusalem, the city which is not mentioned even once in the Koran – again our hypocrisy is exposed – and yet it is mentioned 622 times in your Bible. How could we dare to steal it from you when your back was turned and build an altar to the moon god in its holiest place? Again, the Nations failed to discipline us and so our outrageous boldness multiplied. Your God has already shown us His mercy by not slaying us on the spot, please show us your own mercy by forgiving our wicked acts. The mosque and shrine in question are being demolished even as we write these words.
9. Forgive us of the lies we spread about you in the world press, in word and image. O, had they not been so wicked and gullible themselves, the press would have recognized our deception and refused to publish it. Our own sins have brought down many with us.
10. Forgive us for pursuing you from the four points of the compass so that you were compelled to build a barrier to protect yourselves; for seeking to destroy you from above so that you had to build a dome; for tunneling beneath your feet so that you had to use sonar to keep us out.
11. Forgive us for being your enemy without a cause. You are justified in all you have done whilst we stand condemned.
If you can find it in your hearts to forgive us, when the time is right and your wounds are healed, please consider helping us to make our barren lands as fruitful and happy as your own.
Sincerely, and on behalf of the entire Islamic World.
August 6, 2014
The following is purely fictitious, but if it ever happened it would change the entire world.An Official Declaration from The Islamic World Council.
In the name of the entire Islamic People, we herein make humble confession of our age-old errors and repent wholeheartedly of them.
1. We have pursued a wicked policy of forced conversion throughout the world. Whereas the people of the world have every right to believe whatsoever they choose to believe, we once and for all acknowledge that individual choice is God-given and sacrosanct. We shall never again attempt to inflict on the world a religion and political system which has neither helped us, nor is it likely to help anyone else. It was no coincidence that Islam only began growing after Mohammed resorted to violence. We repent of this and of the 270 million deaths that we have caused throughout history and plead for the world's forgiveness.
2. We are sorry for taking advantage of all the countries in which we have been welcomed, by secretly plotting and working to overthrow those countries from within. We were unworthy of your kindness. Why, O why, were you so gullible as to tempt us to do such things? We told you that "Mosques are our barracks, minarets our bayonets, domes our helmets, the believers our soldiers." But your leaders all claimed to know Islam better than the Muslims themselves and they comforted you with "Islam is a peaceful religion." Nevertheless, we need your forgiveness.
3. Sorry for our willful blindness. Islam has obviously been the source of untold misery in the world but we could never admit it. Instead, we clothed our jealousy of Jews and Christians in the guise of devotion to the Koran, and the blood flowed in rivers. We will henceforth seek to honestly face the truth about our religion and welcome criticism.
4. Regarding the Koran, we have arrived at the inevitable conclusion that our so-called "holy book" is a mere concoction of material stolen from the Jewish Tanach and the Christian New Testament. We have added to and subtracted from those sublime books, please forgive us. And forgive us of the claim that all the prophets, including Jesus, were Muslims. This was patently absurd from the beginning and we never really believed it ourselves. We are hoping that every Muslim will agree to forfeit his copy of the Koran in exchange for the true Word of God.
5. We declare herein that it is not true that Allah is just our name for God. Rather, it is the name for the moon god worshiped by our ancestors. The character of the being does not bear the remotest similarity to the true God of the Bible. What the one hates the Other loves and vice versa. Can you forgive us of such a heinous offense? Can the true God forgive us for such blasphemy?
6. The matter of the Jews and Israel weighs particularly heavily upon us. From time immemorial we have oppressed you, pursued you, persecuted you. We have told lies about you, we have killed your men, raped your women, and taken your children as slaves. And, as if this wasn't bad enough, we have pretended that we were simply being devout believers in Allah, that what we were doing was praiseworthy. In fact, we were murderers, lustful and wicked, inspired only by evil. It is difficult for us to even have the temerity to ask your forgiveness for this. Instead, we cast ourselves on your mercy and on the mercies of the God of Israel.
7. How can we live with the knowledge that we have sought to steal from the Jews the very land which even our own so-called holy book teaches is the land which God gave to the Jews? Sura 5. Had we truly believed the Koran, we would never have attempted such an act of theft. Alas, our hypocrisy is our shame. Our audacity was encouraged by the Nations themselves who never sought to check our rapacity but rather strengthened it, so that we grew bolder and bolder. Please forgive both our thievery and our hypocrisy. We promise to vacate all the lands promised to your forefathers and return only upon generous invitation.
8. We have lied about Jerusalem, the city which is not mentioned even once in the Koran – again our hypocrisy is exposed – and yet it is mentioned 622 times in your Bible. How could we dare to steal it from you when your back was turned and build an altar to the moon god in its holiest place? Again, the Nations failed to discipline us and so our outrageous boldness multiplied. Your God has already shown us His mercy by not slaying us on the spot, please show us your own mercy by forgiving our wicked acts. The mosque and shrine in question are being demolished even as we write these words.
9. Forgive us of the lies we spread about you in the world press, in word and image. O, had they not been so wicked and gullible themselves, the press would have recognized our deception and refused to publish it. Our own sins have brought down many with us.
10. Forgive us for pursuing you from the four points of the compass so that you were compelled to build a barrier to protect yourselves; for seeking to destroy you from above so that you had to build a dome; for tunneling beneath your feet so that you had to use sonar to keep us out.
11. Forgive us for being your enemy without a cause. You are justified in all you have done whilst we stand condemned.
If you can find it in your hearts to forgive us, when the time is right and your wounds are healed, please consider helping us to make our barren lands as fruitful and happy as your own.
Sincerely, and on behalf of the entire Islamic World.
Kevin O'Neil is a writer who lives in England.