Six-year-old suspended for firing assault finger

By Selwyn Duke

If you want to know why we're breeding some crazy youngsters nowadays, you only have to look at the adults surrounding them. A case in point is a Maryland elementary school that recently suspended a little child for using an assault finger. Writes The Examiner of Washington:

The 6-year-old, who attends Roscoe R. Nix Elementary School in Silver Spring, made a gun with his hands, pointed it at another student and said "pow," according to Robin Ficker, the boy's attorney. He was given a one-day suspension, with a conference on the matter planned for Jan. 2....

Wow.

He said "pow."

And I bet it really was "POW!"

If you're wondering why the child has an attorney, know that as things currently stand, the boy's permanent record will indicate that he tried to shoot another student.

Yet we have to be fair. The Examiner also tells us, "According to a letter sent by Assistant Principal Renee Garraway to the child's parents, this was not the first time something like this had happened."

Well, that's definitely a pattern of violent behavior. Why, who knows what this kid contemplates in his little cranium over a morning bowl of Fruit Loops? And has his home been searched? He may be in possession of miniature soldiers and tanks and brightly colored weapons that shoot foam projectiles. I mean, I'm sure he's not as bad as these testosterone-fueled brats — please watch the video so you can know what our gift-from-on-high liberals saved us from — but this tyke is definitely a "bad boy." Or is that considered a redundancy today?

Worse still, I understand that this violent boy creature used an index finger; it ranks in dangerousness second only to the middle finger, which may only be extended by leftists, and only then at a deserving target, such as faith, family, or freedom. As for the rest of you kids, to be safe you must know modern school rules:

• The wrists should hang limply with all fingers well curled.
  
  
• Not so curled, however, that they form a fist.
  
  
• Remember, digit extension means direct suspension.
  
  
• The only exception to the above is when drinking a cup of tea, an act during which you may extend your pinky, daintily.
  

And when a child violates the above, action must be taken — for his own good. As for the Maryland Finger Maniac, if we administer enough Ritalin, he may one day start acting like a girl. Or if we really want to get serious, we could go Sharia on his anti-social derrière and cut off that offending finger. That'll teach the little bugger.

Call me paranoid, but as I've implied, I believe that a motivating factor behind the school's action is anti-male bias. It's no secret that leftist "educators" and psychologists have redefined normal boyish behavior as a pathology. This, as much as all the blather about safety, is what lies behind moves to ban types of play and games boys love, such as shooting assault fingers, dodgeball, and competitiveness in general.

What a world. If a boy brings a toy gun to school, he can be suspended. But if he brought in a banana with a condom on it, well, I suppose that would just be show and tell.

© Selwyn Duke