Curtis Dahlgren
You can be too big for God to use (but not too SMALL)!
By Curtis Dahlgren
"I speak the password primeval . . I give the sign of democracy . . Stand up for the stupid and crazy . . Hate tyrants. . Re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book . . ." – Walt Whitman (1819-1892)
A NOVEMBER TO REMEMBER or a November to forget? I'm just asking. The year 2013 was the first time Thanksgiving and the first day of Hanukkah had fallen on the same day since 1888. I don't know if that means anything, but the following is the column I posted for it. Just "imagine":
SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD, four diplomats go into a bar. They sit down at a table and a waitress says, "Would you like menus?" and they say yes. "Would you like something to drink?" she says.
One said 'just water'; one said beer; one said 'wine'; and the atheist ordered a mixed drink.
As she left them to get the drinks, in came a young man who just escaped from an insane asylum. He sat down at a table nearby and listened to the four dips talk. One of them put down his menu and said, "Well, have you made up your minds?"
"Hold your horses," said one of them. "What's your hurry?"
The atheist said, "I'm getting a headache; I think I'll just have another drink."
One of them said, "You know what I really want? I want to bless the food before we eat. After all, it is Thanksgiving and the first day of Hanukkah. That won't happen again for over 70,000 years."
"No way," said one. "I'm facing the wrong direction."
"No way," said another. "I'm facing the wrong direction too."
"No way," said the atheist. "You're all crazy!"
One of them said, "Well, in America we still have some rights to be crazy."
"I will overlook that demeaning remark," muttered the boy from the asylum to himself.
The waitress came back, took their orders, and left with the menus, overlooking the boy in her haste.
One of the diplomats cleared his throat again and says, "Come on. How about it?"
One of the others said, "If you're going to bring up religion again, I'm leaving."
The boy from the asylum stood up and says, "Hey, just a minute here. I can help you solve your problem."
"All right," said the atheist. "Go ahead if you think you're so smart!" So the boy says:
"Let us stand and thank the God of the Four Winds. Then you face the prevailing westerly wind and thank their wind. Then you face the south pole and thank their wind.
"Then you face the east and thank their wind. Then you face the North Star and thank God – and if you're an atheist, just have a moment of silence and thank 'whatever'!
"Then you get down off your high horse and put four on the floor – your two hands and your two knees, like this.
"Then you cross your ankles, put your head on the floor with your elbows on your knees, and your hands on your head, like this.
"Then if you want to look smaller, you just squeeze and make yourself look like a ball!
"And NOW you're ready to pray for peace. Who wants to go first?"
The kid smiled, got up off the floor, and looked around. The door was just closing and the four dips were gone. "Another miracle," he says. "Now I can finally eat in peace."
The waitress came and put the four orders on the table, and looked around. The boy says, "I think they just went to the bathroom."
As soon as the waitress was gone, he says "Praise the Lord; the Lord provides." He drank the drinks and ate all the food that he could, and sat back down at his table.
A waiter came by and said, "Oh, did you want to see a menu?" And the boy says:
"No thanks. I'm not hungry any more."
He limped out the door, and "Happy Thanksgiving" he cried. "God bless us every one!"
It was a very dark and stormy night.
[P.S. That's the revised standard version of a column I hope to re-post for as many Novembers as we are allowed to live in freedom. Freedom RENEWED.]
PPS: The title of this 2014 version is a quotation. The author is unknown, but the quote was found inscribed in Nelle Reagan's Bible: "You can be too big for God to use, but you cannot be too small." [or too crazy?]
Elbert Hubbard said that "babies are the dice of destiny," and that if we are to ever have a better society, we will have to have "better mothers." Nelle Reagan raised a good one, the 40th President of the United States!
In my humble opinion, the world needs more Nelle Reagans and fewer Kardashians.
World War I was called "the Great war," and Franklin Roosevelt asked Churchill what the second World War ought to be called. Churchill said:
"The UNNECESSARY war."
Aren't they ALL?
© Curtis Dahlgren
November 26, 2014
"I speak the password primeval . . I give the sign of democracy . . Stand up for the stupid and crazy . . Hate tyrants. . Re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book . . ." – Walt Whitman (1819-1892)
A NOVEMBER TO REMEMBER or a November to forget? I'm just asking. The year 2013 was the first time Thanksgiving and the first day of Hanukkah had fallen on the same day since 1888. I don't know if that means anything, but the following is the column I posted for it. Just "imagine":
SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD, four diplomats go into a bar. They sit down at a table and a waitress says, "Would you like menus?" and they say yes. "Would you like something to drink?" she says.
One said 'just water'; one said beer; one said 'wine'; and the atheist ordered a mixed drink.
As she left them to get the drinks, in came a young man who just escaped from an insane asylum. He sat down at a table nearby and listened to the four dips talk. One of them put down his menu and said, "Well, have you made up your minds?"
"Hold your horses," said one of them. "What's your hurry?"
The atheist said, "I'm getting a headache; I think I'll just have another drink."
One of them said, "You know what I really want? I want to bless the food before we eat. After all, it is Thanksgiving and the first day of Hanukkah. That won't happen again for over 70,000 years."
"No way," said one. "I'm facing the wrong direction."
"No way," said another. "I'm facing the wrong direction too."
"No way," said the atheist. "You're all crazy!"
One of them said, "Well, in America we still have some rights to be crazy."
"I will overlook that demeaning remark," muttered the boy from the asylum to himself.
The waitress came back, took their orders, and left with the menus, overlooking the boy in her haste.
One of the diplomats cleared his throat again and says, "Come on. How about it?"
One of the others said, "If you're going to bring up religion again, I'm leaving."
The boy from the asylum stood up and says, "Hey, just a minute here. I can help you solve your problem."
"All right," said the atheist. "Go ahead if you think you're so smart!" So the boy says:
"Let us stand and thank the God of the Four Winds. Then you face the prevailing westerly wind and thank their wind. Then you face the south pole and thank their wind.
"Then you face the east and thank their wind. Then you face the North Star and thank God – and if you're an atheist, just have a moment of silence and thank 'whatever'!
"Then you get down off your high horse and put four on the floor – your two hands and your two knees, like this.
"Then you cross your ankles, put your head on the floor with your elbows on your knees, and your hands on your head, like this.
"Then if you want to look smaller, you just squeeze and make yourself look like a ball!
"And NOW you're ready to pray for peace. Who wants to go first?"
The kid smiled, got up off the floor, and looked around. The door was just closing and the four dips were gone. "Another miracle," he says. "Now I can finally eat in peace."
The waitress came and put the four orders on the table, and looked around. The boy says, "I think they just went to the bathroom."
As soon as the waitress was gone, he says "Praise the Lord; the Lord provides." He drank the drinks and ate all the food that he could, and sat back down at his table.
A waiter came by and said, "Oh, did you want to see a menu?" And the boy says:
"No thanks. I'm not hungry any more."
He limped out the door, and "Happy Thanksgiving" he cried. "God bless us every one!"
It was a very dark and stormy night.
[P.S. That's the revised standard version of a column I hope to re-post for as many Novembers as we are allowed to live in freedom. Freedom RENEWED.]
PPS: The title of this 2014 version is a quotation. The author is unknown, but the quote was found inscribed in Nelle Reagan's Bible: "You can be too big for God to use, but you cannot be too small." [or too crazy?]
Elbert Hubbard said that "babies are the dice of destiny," and that if we are to ever have a better society, we will have to have "better mothers." Nelle Reagan raised a good one, the 40th President of the United States!
In my humble opinion, the world needs more Nelle Reagans and fewer Kardashians.
World War I was called "the Great war," and Franklin Roosevelt asked Churchill what the second World War ought to be called. Churchill said:
"The UNNECESSARY war."
Aren't they ALL?
© Curtis Dahlgren
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(See RenewAmerica's publishing standards.)
